Frozen Foods Make You Skinny

Years ago, Subway introduced a guy named Jared. They started the commercial with "Remember Jared?" to which most of America replied "No." Nonetheless, Subway ran with the concept that eating their sandwiches (minus anything that might give them flavor) could help you lose weight. They also suggested the laughable notion that Jared was getting women since he lost the weight, which we all know is bunk. He was a fat, goofy looking son of a bitch. Now he's a skinny, goofy looking son of a bitch. Trust me, he's still not getting any.
Well, now Lean Pockets has started a similar campaign. Their guy is named Anthony, and he was a pale, kinda creepy, happy, smiling marshmallow until he started eating Lean Pockets religiously. Now, as you can tell from the top photo, which appears to be a mugshot from a recent arrest, that he is less happy, still creepy, and... uh... no longer wearing a hat. They couldn't get two full body shots? He could have taken the top pic while he was fat like the bottom pic if he had sucked in his cheeks and lowered his shoulders. Great before and after pictures, Lean Pockets!
Honestly though, does anyone believe that Lean Pockets were instrumental in his weight loss? Sure, they're not Hot Pockets, but they are still not health food. The only way I can see him effectively losing weight due to Lean Pockets is if his previous diet consisted of Crisco, road gravel, and random drifters.
I think the real key to this is when he mentions that:

with the wide variety of flavors, I didn't have to eat the same thing every day.

Tony, you do realize that there are more things in the grocery store than the frozen food aisle, right? There are aisles and aisles of pasta, and vegetables, and fruit, and dog food, and all kinds of wonderful foods that are better for you than friggin' Lean Pockets!
Don't get me wrong about this entry. I have absolutely nothing against larger folks (and actually prefer a BBW to a twig), but don't bulls*** me and tell me frozen foods are now a weight loss aid, at least not unless you give me a chance to grab the hip waders first.

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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute