Sunday, November 01, 2009

Justifying Idiocy

You ever meet someone who used to do hard drugs who uses that fact to justify their smoking? Sure, they used to be totally messed up, but since they are less messed up than they used to be, we are supposed to give them a cookie and be overjoyed that they are moderately messed up. As they are polluting your airspace, they always come at you with a line like:

"I used to smoke meth, but now I just smoke cigarettes."

Well, congratulations on not smoking meth. That's super. However, your argument is still like saying:

"I used to kill children, but now I just kill puppies."

It's an improvement, but you're still not quite there. Thus, no cookies for you.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Monday, August 17, 2009

Who writes this s***?

--WARNING--
In what I consider a bit of an Andyish twist to the Experience, I'm going to spotlight something I saw on MySpace. Don't worry. It will have nothing to do with ads for gay guys having sex.


So, I was logging onto MySpace, doing my best to move over to the logon boxes and avoid the propaganda splash, when, for some reason, something caught my eye. It was a poorly disguised public relations ass-kiss via blog by "Michael Vick" (in quotes because it was more than likely his publicist or some other crony). Now, this is nothing out of the ordinary, and I couldn't give two s***s about this f***tard or whether he has a PR crew to do all the hard readin' and writin' for him. No, my problem was with MySpace...
Legend my ass!
...referring to him as a f***ing football LEGEND! Legend? What? The guy is 29 f***ing years old! He only debuted professionally in 2001, and has been in prison since 2007! How does that short, albeit successful, career make him a legend? The guy is more famous for being a criminal than anything he ever did on a football field. So, is he a crime legend then? Nah... he's pretty half-assed at that too. I guess he's just not legendary after all, MySpace. How about reserving that title for people who deserve it?

And now, to complete the Andy style article, I suppose I need to insert an image of something talking... so, here's Shelby with her take on Michael Vick.
Shelby's take

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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Factory Slave

Do you work in a factory?

Do they pay you?

Have you ever, thinking yourself quite witty, referred to your occupation as "Factory Slave" or "Slave to XYZ Corp?"

If so, please punch yourself in the face 10 times.

The number of times you actually ended up punching yourself in the face is how witty you are on a scale of 1 to 100. You get paid. You're not a slave. You're more of a whiny bitch than anything. Why are you not punching yourself in the face?

I'm just incredibly tired of seeing and hearing people who make damn good money (some up to $30/hr) whining about being slaves. You have a job! Boo f***ing hoo! They're not gonna pay you that ridiculous money unless you actually go in and work for it. Wahhhhh! Get over yourself. People who refer to themselves as factory slaves should be shackled to their assembly lines for 6 months, without pay, forced to work while only kept alive with bread and water. Then, they can call themselves factory slaves all they want. Until then, shut the f*** up.




Why are you not punching yourself in the face?!?!
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

ORANGE!

This is my truck...

It is orange...

Omaha orange to be exact... sometimes called safety orange because it is supposed to make things more visible. Can you see it?

If you can, and very plainly, then please explain to me why I can't seem to drive anywhere anymore without some idiot pulling out in front of me in broad daylight! HELLO? BIG ORANGE TRUCK! What the hell is wrong with you people?

Civilian traffic, semis, law enforcement, bicyclists... they all want to tempt fate with a few tons of fast moving orange steel.

Idiots... I am so tired of idiots.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Putting Out a Fire With Gasoline

Leave it to Hoosiers to solve small perceived problems by creating new ones. Leave it to Hoosiers to, in the same breath, mention the solution to a large problem, but then say that it isn't going to happen. The root of both problems: a certain stretch of Indiana 64.Owensville Junction As was reported in today's Princeton Clarion:

A blinking traffic signal at Ind. 64's junction with Ind. 65 will be upgraded to a full red-yellow-green signal in late 2010.
Wonderful, that's just what we need. As if that two lane stretch of road with constant traffic wasn't bad enough, let's add a stoplight so we can really clump all that traffic together! Let's make this run take even longer! The junction of 64 and 65? Owensville junction? I do not see the point. Supposedly, it is a safety issue, but in reality, it's not in any way difficult to enter or exit 65 at that intersection if you have even the most basic driving ability... which may be the reason Hoosiers need a stoplight.

The real problem with 64 is that it is a two lane road with too much traffic. With a high volume of oncoming traffic, passing becomes difficult, and any slow traffic will bottleneck the artery. Surely, if the slight problem of the junction of 64 and 65 is being so readily addressed, then the desperate need for a four lane expansion will be given the same consideration...
Cher Goodwin, spokesman for Indiana Dept. of Transportation's Vincennes district office, said Wednesday the increased traffic at the hazardous intersection warrants the upgrade, but it's unlikely the highway will become a four-lane thoroughfare without a unique funding source.

She said while traffic has increased on the highway, there's no four-lane plans in the near future.

“There's something in the long-range plans 20-35 years out, and as industry changes, that's always something that could be reviewed,” she said.
Perfect. It's all about priorities, eh? Let's not even consider finding a way to solve the real problem. Let's fix a small one that will actually worsen the big one! This makes so much sense. Adding a stoplight compresses all the traffic into a pack. Any slow traffic in the pack will slow everything to a crawl. In desperation to get moving, people will make even more daredevil passes than the ones they already do. So, logically, this project is going to achieve two things:
  1. Slow traffic, making your trip take longer
  2. Make the stretch of road more dangerous due to larger packs of traffic
My sentiments are echoed... to an extent... by a commenter on the story, D. Parrish:
Now that IDOT has begun the process of applying common sense to this intersection, it begs the question of how long before they undertake restricting the passing zones along Highway 64 between US41 and the Duke Energy power plant. This entire stretch of highway is dangerous and needs to be upgraded appropriately. While widening the road isn't always feasible, modifying the striping to restrict inappropriate driving practices is well within the reach of IDOT. And, to avoid misunderstanding, it's not only the truck drivers that abuse this stretch of road ... more often than not it's the passenger vehicles in a hurry to arrive at their destination in as short a time frame as they can manage. Any change on this stretch of highway is long overdue.
Restricting passing zones? If that happens, all will be clear. This is all just one big scheme to make the dusk evening commute look like the world's longest funeral procession.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute